Things have been...not great. Work has gotten worse. I don't want to elaborate except to say that either they are trying to make me quit or they are just plain stupid. So I'm at a cross roads and being forced to step out of my comfort zone and choose a path. Its rather scary, I'm confronting my personal demons that I've been successful in keeping hidden for a few years until now. I'm feeling a little bit like a lone ship lost at sea being tossed and torn, and I'm feeling sea sick.
Fortunately my mom, whose feelings I unintentionally hurt through some of my venting here in my blog, has done only what a good mom can do and rallied behind me and is cheering me on. Something she's done a lot of throughout my 37 years on this planet. Recently she reminded me about paul potts. My brother sent me a link to this video a few weeks past, but after watching it again in my current state of self doubt and fear of falling flat on my face if I step out of my comfort zone and take a chance, Mr. Paul Potts has become a hero to me or at least an inspiration.
How I'm feeling right now, or to stick with my ship metaphor, this feeling that comes in waves - crashing down upon my weather worn deck, I would not have had the courage to walk out on that stage. But I have in the past and I will again- maybe not a stage as big as his, but that stage or my stage has been there many times. I've walked out on it and did my fair share of shining at least in my heart. Sometimes I walked up and down the steps to that stage multiple times before I finally held my breath and went for it. Its hard, extremely hard at times, for someone like me to take that chance, to risk failing. I have to take the same advice that I tell my kids - "pick yourself up, dust yourself off and try again; you'll get it just keep trying".
The fact of the matter is that I have to take that chance, risk it all because if I don't I'll stay in the same place that I'm at right now and be miserable. Let me tell you it it miserable - Walmart Greeter is tempting... I don't want to stay where I'm at - I unheart my situation.
So lately when those waves of self doubt and fear of failure come crashing down threatening to sink my ship, I watch the video of Paul Potts and I cry because he stepped out of his comfort zone and made his dreams come true, and I'm not a big opera fan, but his voice is beautiful probably more beautiful because it is reverberating in harmony with his heart.
PS. Mom - how about Paul Potts CD for my birthday gift?