Seriously!

Work is really getting in the way of my life. The last three weeks I've gotten minimal training in. I'm talking maybe one run, one swim, and maybe one bike session a week. One week I was so desperate to get some training in, I had a meeting that lasted until 7:20pm in Artesia. I risked getting a speeding ticket as I rushed to the pool (that closes at 8pm), changed, jumped in and just got as much distance as I could before they pulled me kicking and screaming out.

Plus work has taken so much of my time, that it is imperative that I spend as much quality time with my family as I can, because they are my number 1 priority.

I look back to my life before I changed jobs. When I occupied space at the WIPP site - bored out of my mind, watching my gray matter turn into useless jelly. Why didn't I think about triathlons then - heck I could have probably done most of my dry land training while at work. No one would have even noticed. (seriously - the WIPP site is a good concept, with good science and engineering, but they need to cut the work force out there by at least 50% - and save some tax payers some money)

Now I have a challenging job, where I'm using my education and learning a ton and working my posterior off. If i wasn't a mom - which I'm not complaining about - I could work longer hours guilt free - go for a spin after work, etc. But I am a mom and that is the most important thing in my life and i love it - even the sleepless, messy nights. (not the whining - I hate the whining).

Anyway I've got three weeks until the Jay Benson Tri. I've signed up - spent the money. My mom is excited that she'll be there to watch. Plans are made. I have to go. I want to go. I just may not wear my watch or check the results afterwards because it will make my competitive nature sad.

I think I've got two more weeks of hell at work before things might lighten up. I'm probably wrong about that. We maybe hiring someone in the next three weeks, so soon I might have some relief. Knowing my luck, as soon as work settles down our place will sell and it will be a mad dash to pack and move. (we are packing and moving stuff as we can, but we or Jeff has a lot of stuff (nice word for junk) strung out all over the place. This guy knows how to wheel and deal and trade and find cheap stuff. Its useful stuff for someone who's a rancher and farmer and needs stuff to build other stuff, or farm equipment or parts for farm equipment, or parts for something that he might need someday...but I digress - and I have a ton - maybe more of books stuff, stashed, piled - everywhere - so we all have our rat pack issues.

So I need a quick, and dirty, yet not too time consuming 3 week training plan to get me back on track for the Jay Benson. I'm so exhausted from work, that my pre-dawn workouts are sort of fizzling. I'm tempted to double up on my swim days with rest in between. i had one day like that last week - I ran in the morning and swam in the evening. I was going to try it again on Thursday only bike on the trainer in the am and swim in the pm (my pool is only open on Tue and Thurs evenings) but I forgot to turn my alarm on.

I don't mean to whine about work - especially since I can't stand whining. I'm just so overwhelmed right now and my boss who was diagnosed is not doing very well at all. I sort of expect him to pass on after his oldest son graduates high school this May - just a gut feeling. It will be tough on us as the company is small enough that we're a close knit bunch, but I believe he's ready and i hate to see him suffer so much. I feel guilty for complaining because he knows what kind of stress we're under and is trying to help - bless his heart, but my work load will pass and my life will go on - and tomorrow or next year I'll be complaining about how I'm missing my training because of soccer practice and little league.

During one of my long runs back in January or early February, I was suffering a little - you know at that point where you really want to quit, but know that you have to play through pain to get better. When I'm in the middle of one of these moments, I yell at myself "Find it! Dig deep and Find it!" What I'm telling myself to find is that little modicum of will power to push me through. During this particular run, when i was telling myself to find it, I closed my eyes for a split second and Dennis (my boss) flashed into my mind. It was him with his little scull cap that he's been wearing since he lost his hair due to the chemo. Tears welled in my eyes and I admonished myself for wanting to quit such a trivial thing as running, when he would give anything to be able to walk without struggling to breath (lung cancer). So i guess that is where i am right now. trying to get over my little pity party about how tough my life is right now, when there are people all around me fighting to live theirs.

Wow - where did that come from? I guess I needed to work through it. Sorry didn't mean to get so deep. I think I might dedicate one of my races to him this year. I don't think the Benson, I'd like to dedicate the Milkman - but it is only two weeks after the Benson and you know my training issues. Maybe the Chile harvest in Socorro. I'll think about it.