Thursday, October 11, 2007

Seriously...# 2

As I was dropping off my youngest at daycare today, a poster caught my eye on the bulletin board by the door. I see it every day, but today it hit me. The poster was about domestic violence, it said something like "Domestic Violence...Don't make excuses." What hit me was how fortunate I am.

I've been down in the dumps because from my selfish perspective - my life sucks right now. My job is not the greatest on earth, and I work all the time, my house won't sell, I can't plan anything because I don't know where I'll be living in 6 weeks, etc. So I've felt stuck and I hate feeling stuck, but...

How totally selfish and self absorbed have I been. I mean seriously I have been blessed in so many ways - I don't even realize the half of it.

I live in the free-est country on earth, where I am allowed to pursue my dreams whether it be go to engineering school and become an engineer, or if I want go back to school and become a teacher or whatever I want to do...where I'm free to go to any church I want and not risk being killed or imprisoned because I'm a follower of Christ.

I had loving parents that didn't beat me or do other horrific things to me.

I have a wonderful marriage. My husband doesn't abuse me or my children. He supports me in whatever endeavor I can imagine - asked me the other night when I was going to write that best-selling novel (I hadn't even thought or talked about that crazy idea in years). He makes me feel like I'm the smartest, most beautiful woman in the world. He can make me laugh even when I'm yelling at him or crying for no reason at all. Even when I'm nasty, mean to him he knows that its not him I'm lashing out at but that he's just a convenient target. Oh how I take him for granted...

I have two wonderful, healthy boys. And yes I wish life circumstances were different to have allowed me to stay at home while they are still young, but I've put every ounce of energy and more I have into making my time with them worthwhile - not spoiling them, but loving, disciplining, and teaching them. They appear to be well mannered (most of the time), well adjusted little boys. I rarely get complaints about their behavior, most of the time I get compliments and praises.

I have my health. Granted I am not at an optimum weight, but everything else is peachy - blood chemistry, blood pressure, heart, lungs, etc. I've finally got a healthy hobby that will help me stay healthy and help me get to that optimum weight once I figure out how to stop stress eating.

Sure my life is up in the air right now - I've been in the "we're going to move" mode for 9 months or more now, yet I haven't moved. I've packed and sorted all the stuff I haven't used or don't plan to use - I'm down to maybe 1 box probably two boxes of books ( I'm a book-a-holic - love to read, love to have books all around me - I've packed many, many boxes of books). Actually I'm kinda liking the less stuff feeling, except for my books - I miss them. Anyway the point is - I have a roof over my head, and I'll have a roof over my head when I move. I'm not stuck in a low rent ghetto somewhere worrying about getting shot by a drive-by shooting or my kids being sucked into gangs or drugs. I can up an move anywhere I need to and still be able to afford a decent roof over my head - even if I lost Jeff.

I could go on and probably should - just to pound into my head how blessed I am and to stop moping around and whining about how stuck in a rut I am. I am still extremely frustrated with my current situation, but it will resolve itself -maybe not in the time frame I would like, but it will resolve itself. I will be moved and experiencing the next chapter in my life soon.

So thank you for praying for me and please don't stop - And I'm sorry for being such a downer. I will strive to look up everyday instead of down, but I need to have you help me be accountable. Slap me upside the head every once in a while and refer me back to this post.

I'll try to get back to talking about my training - as I seem to have trouble getting motivated to get on my bike and indoor trainer - we know I haven't had time on the weekends for long rides. I'm looking forward to GearGuru a.k.a Geekgirl's subtle offer to buying me one of these so I stop griping about the lack of pool time I get to utilize. I'll try to bore you with my tales of my pre-dawn runs by counting the number of shooting/falling stars and other fascinating tidbits of info that only those who also run during the predawn hour can appreciate.


jbmmommy said...

I could have written almost the same post. Even though it's good to look at the big picture and realize things are great, sometimes the day-to-day crap is still enough to get you down. You're not a bad person for sometimes letting things get to you, it happens. I hope things with the house move along soon for you.

Unknown said...

Keep you chin up! You *are* very blessed indeed. :)

brendaj said...

I alternate between days of feeling blessed and then questioning things, especially since we're trying to sell a house in this market too...not really fun!