Blue...

I've been thinking about it. Trying to decide if it is lack of sleep, over training, stressed out or what that is affecting my training. I wanted to blame it on the sleep. Its an easy excuse. In fact I started writing a post where I lay out my day hour to hour to show the public just how pathetic my sleep habits are, but as I wrote it down I realized that my schedule is basically the same as it was a year ago when I started this craziness. If anything I'm getting more sleep because my youngest child is past the "building immunity" stage and is finally sleeping through the night more consistently. So I really have to stop the complaining about lack of sleep, sure 7-8 hours would be wonderful, but that is not possible at this point in my life. Of course I'm getting over my second cold in 30 days, which points to low immunity which points to lack of rest...

Over training - that statement makes me laugh. My training so far this year has been real hit and miss, sure I've had intense weeks and yes I did have two days a week where I essentially worked out in a different discipline every 8 hours, but my weekends for the most part have been almost completely training free. I've changed the schedule up a bit so that I get more than 8 hours of recuperation between sessions, although I have yet to complete a full week of workouts. It can't be over training.

Stress - I'm still thinking that this has at least a little bit to do with it. When you are in a stressed environment, your muscles don't relax. Unrelaxed muscles IMHO would possibly need more recovery time - maybe? The work situation is getting better as we've been juggling projects for 6 weeks now, and everybody is closer to being on the same page. I've still got a lot of projects of my own that I'm working, but I think I can see a tiny little speck of light down there at the end of the tunnel.

I actually think my training problems are linked to two different things. Those of you that know me or are good at reading people through their blogs, may have figured out that I struggle with depression. It is a mild depression and it has plagued me since my adolescent years. Like many people, I get a bit blue in the winter. It is somehow related to sun exposure. If I can get out in the sun and fresh air - it helps my outlook. Some of my depression is hormonal - enough said about that. I think some of it, at least right now, is due to the fact that I am pretty isolated. My life revolves around my work and my family. Not much time for other social interaction, and even though I am slightly introverted :-) I still need that interaction - not getting much girlfriend time.

Okay so I'm a little depressed, but I think I also have put too much expectation on myself with my training goals. Basically I want to get fast and get fast right now darn it. So when I see no improvement, I get frustrated. I know better. I know it takes time, but sometimes - well , okay sometimes I just want to be really good at something. That is a childish statement, I know but I can't help but think it every once in a while. It is hard to see yourself as others see you. People can tell you that you do a good job, or you are a great mom, or whatever, but without something to measure for yourself - you just wonder. A race is an easy measuring stick. You know how fast you can run, but the fact that it is easy to measure - makes it easy to be that much harder on yourself. Anyway - hope you're following me as I sort of dive off a deep end here.

So I've got to ease up on myself a little, both in the physical and the mental realm and figure out some training goals that are challenging yet realistic - maybe some little short term goals to give my self confidence a boost here and there. I've not done any training since last Thursday due to this cold I have. It is on its way out and I've gotten some extra rest in - thanks to my closet care taker husband - shh don't tell anyone. I plan to start back on the training path Monday, and even though it has been unusually cold and wet this winter - this is New Mexico and spring is just around the corner.