Monday, August 27, 2007

The Drama continues

So this shy, non-confrontational, hermit-esk type person – does not like drama. Drama is what usually occurs when women work together – fortunately I chose a male-dominated career (for now) and have not had to work together with many women – on the few occasions where I have worked with women – well I hid behind my shy nature and just kept my head down. We did have some of that kind of drama here in the office very recently, but the main drama queen finally moved on to greener pastures.

You all know that I’ve been dealing with the drama of watching my boss battle cancer – a battle that he finally lost or won depending on your perspective.

But the drama I’m referring to is not the superficial stuff of hormonal women working with hormonal women… or the drama of watching a colleague die; it is the drama of being stuck and not knowing what tomorrow will bring.

My company has been unsuccessful in hiring anyone to fill the empty positions here in Carlsbad. In fact the writing on the wall is so blatantly obvious that everyone that could has bailed. All that is left is myself and my secretary. She’s decided to try and hold out until December when she can retire and get her social security. She figures that if they lay her off before then, it will only be a couple of months of unemployment that she’ll have to endure or enjoy… Me – I’m going to move someday – I have an office waiting for me in Tucumcari… Finally the company told us that they are closing the doors, the date is dependent upon my move.

Meanwhile, I am working by myself with very little support. With today’s technology it is pretty easy for people to work together long distances and I’ve been doing a lot of that in recent months, but its like now that the cat is out of the bag about this offices fate – my projects (that make money for the whole company) are not important anymore and I get put on the bottom of the priority list. You know how much this shy, non-confrontational, hermit-esk type person enjoys trying to smooth things over with worried clients when the reality is – I’m not very confident that the help I’m being promised is really going to happen?

Plus on the home front – Jeff, my easy-going, ever the optimist husband that always helps me out of the black depths of my own pessimism – is depressed. He’ll never admit it, but I’ve never in our 12 years of marriage or 17 years of knowing him experienced this kind of pessimism from him. “Well with the current Mortgage problem, we’ll be lucky if we move in the next two years.” Yes we are both very frustrated with the fact that we are still here and not in Tucumcari, but the reality is one just doesn’t sell a house and 240 acres overnight.

Wow… so I think I need to start something like Mary Sunshine does – some kind of ten positive thoughts or something to help me keep from sinking in the bog of hopelessness. The fact of the matter is, that you aways feel so helpless when you’re in the middle of something trying, but when you’re on the other side and looking back, you think huh – why did I get so worked up over that – every thing always works out one way or another.

So 10 things I’m thankful for:

1. Jesus – he’s always there – even when I turn my back
2. Jeff – He’s still the bestest friend I’ll ever have, and no one can make me laugh like him, and he thinks I’m the smartest, most beautiful women on earth.
3. My boys – I can’t imagine what life would be like without them
4. My health – I take it for granted so much
5. My mom – she drives me crazy, but she is one of the strongest women I’ve ever known – she chose life for me when it would have been so much easier if she didn’t
6. My dad – he stepped up when the bio. dad didn’t.
7. My brother and sister – for loving me despite my shy, non-confrontational, hermit-esk type personality
8. Having the opportunity to know and have a relationship with all of my grandparents and some of my great-grandparents
9. For the few good friends that I have, the kind that you may lose touch with for a while, but can always just pick up where you left off when you do reconnect.
10. Having the opportunity of knowing and learning from Dennis. He was a good man that left a legacy of excellence.


Unknown said...


first off, I love the new banner.

my study on Monday (we're just about to finish James) focussed on what we do "while we wait" and focussed a lot on patience and perserverance. Given the recent drama in your life, it probably would have been a good discussion for you.

jbmmommy said...

I'm sorry that things are a bit rough right now. I hope that things work out for the best for you, I know that the waiting is hard. It's wonderful that you can still focus on the good stuff, that makes a big difference in how you approach life- best wishes.

the Dread Pirate Rackham said...

I could say something pithy like it can only get better, but I'd hate to be the one who is proven wrong.

Just know that I hope it gets better for you very soon. You have a lot going for you, with that list!